Suhweet. Edition

A few years ago on NYE, I was leaving the club after celebrating NYE with my friend.

We were both heading home.

While she was knocked out in the Lyft, I started bawling my eyes out. Super sad, that I will “never find my husband.”

To give further context, during the past week, I noticed little signs here and there. These signs indicated I was close to finding my special person. For a little over a year I wasn’t dating anyone, focused on myself. I had a very challenging year getting through life during the pandemic.

For some reason I BELIEVED that night was the night I’d meet my husband (feel free to laugh here).

The joke was on me. Not a single man approached me. On top of that, I was third wheeling that evening. This led to my conflicting feelings of anger, sadness, and overall disappointment. Last time I believed social media to predict my future.

I realized I was 25. I recognize now that is very young. Thirty was around the corner after my one year of no dating. I still didn’t find my partner. Was there any chance?

The chances seemed slim to none.

Fast forward, I am now 28 (turning 29 this March).

A lot of people I grew up with are getting married, have kids, or are in serious relationships. It’s as if people are running to the altar and I’ve been finding short-lived connections. Where is everyone finding these people. At a coffee shop? Is there a specific dating site?

Details please…

As the years have passed, I’ve found healing and peace from that time period.Yet I can’t help but ask myself questions.

How do I find it? Will it find me?

I’m getting close to thirty years of life… will I ever get married? How do you even find your person? If I don’t ever find my person will I be content with the life I have?

All these questions are what come to mind as I get closer to my thirties.

Our society forces us to believe that there is someone for everyone.

I personally know many couples that stay in their relationships unhappy and miserable just to not be alone.

My question for you today is what’s wrong with being alone? Are you scared of how you will be judged? Have you even spent 10 minutes with yourself today? If we can’t even love ourselves how do we expect to find that “forever partner’? At that point if you are just searching for that person, it’s not looking for love, it’s searching for codependency. Maybe it’s all a fairytale or luck that happens to some people.

Until then I’m going to live my life in the current moment. By putting that energy into ourselves it will allow you to start enjoying the life that you live. Not waiting around for someone or something to happen. Life will pass by regardless and I refuse to live in regret. If I’m happy and full of love that’s what I will attract in every aspect of my life.

I REFUSE to run to that altar.

There are different types of love and it doesn’t have to be intimate to be fulfilling.

I write all this to say, yes feelings are valid whether it’s love or personal challenges.

Nonetheless, when we take a step back and look at the overall picture. It’s really not that deep…